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| I've never been good around people, I always feel awkward.
I'm not good at talking or interacting with people in anyway whatsoever.
I feel like anyone I'm talking to either isn't interested in hearing what I have to say, or doesn't even understand what I'm saying.
I'm also horribly terrified of being around groups of people. One, or maybe, two people I can handle with minor discomfort, but the larger the group, the more discomfort I suffer from. Mostly it's fear, but lately that fear has grown into a resentment because my boyfriend expects me to interact with people (namedly, his family). Now, my boyfriend isn't particularly social, he doesn't have any friends outside of co-workers, but he doesn't have the same social problem I do, so he doesn't understand at all how I'm feeling and has lately been growing more and more irritated when I avoid social situations. Tonight is his mom's birthday and he wanted me to go over to her house with him, but I simply COULDN'T.
Every fiber of my being balked at having to go over to someone's house which contains as many as FIVE people.
I was thinking to myself, how bad can it be? Just suck it up and go to make him happy, but even with that in mind I couldn't bring myself to go.. WHAT ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! And then people think I'm "unfriendly" !
Not only do I have to worry about being in social situations, but I have to worry about how I present myself in them as well!
I can't help appearing unfriendly around people, because I don't LIKE being around people and it's hard to hide that.
I never feel like I'm on the same page as everyone else, I can't talk about the things they talk about, or share the same interests they share, so I'm just an outcast..
There's only one word that sums up this whole crummy situation: BLAST! | | |
| What do you do when your thoughts consume you, like poison dripping into your brain?
And you're going insane? I'm drinking, but I really need a cigarette; anything to get these thoughts out of my head, thoughts I just can't handle. Sometimes, I wish I had someone to talk to, that I could share these thoughts with.
Oh well, I'm alone and hurting and insane. | | |
| Why do we insist on treating each other like crap?
It's completely inane.
When you think of things in the "Big Picture"; we're all in the same boat. We're human and we are struggling to make ends meet in a confusing world. We're trying to figure out what our purpose is here or if we even have a purpose at all. So WHY do we have to beat down our fellow humans?
Judge them and ridicule them based on their life choices?
What gives you and me the power to judge eachother's lives? For example, I smoke pot.
I SMOKE POT.
That is ALL these three people heard before unleashing their harsh judgements and insults on me.
Not a single one of them (or any of the surrounding) even CONSIDERED that I might still be a decent person, just as worthy of respect as any of them.
If they had stopped their scorn to listen to my side, maybe they would have heard me explain how I only smoke in my free time. I don't go to work stoned, I don't run errands stoned, I don't even hang out with my non-pot smoking friends stoned, because I RESPECT their decision not to smoke pot and I RESPECT them by not bringing it into their midst. In return all I want isn't a "Smoking pot is a good and wise decision" but just acceptance without people looking down on me like I'm scum.
Instead, these people treated me like I was the spawn of the devil, literally, I was a disgusting piece of filth unworthy of the name of humanity.
But, WHY?
Let's take it into consideration that these people thought they were BETTER than me.
If that were so, why would they be so rude? Shouldn't they feel HAPPY that they are "better" than me?
Instead, they'd rather try and push me as far into the ground as they can. After several incidents like this, I thought about the times I'd judged people and now I do my best to take everything into stride and not make hasty judgments.
I've learned that there are some people out there you absolutely cannot reason with, they don't WANT to think better of people, and these kind of people must be avoided because there's nothing you can do to change their minds. I for one, REFUSE to judge people on their life decisions, their hobbies, their vices, their culture, their ethnicity because I do not want to be judged like that either. Give your fellow humans a CHANCE to show that just because they entertain a bad habit doesn't make them a bad person. | | |
| It is mostly because I cannot think of anything pertinent to write.
The world is getting dull in its sameness; I still have the same problems I did two years ago!
Nothing is getting resolved and that worries me.
I feel like a ticking bomb without very much time left but still not knowing exactly how much time I do have left.
I wish some solution to my problems would just pop in out of thin air, but, as of yet, no new development has enlightened me to a possible solution or reprieve from stress. | | |
| The last time I read the novel "Jane Eyre" was probably when I was in middle school; or maybe even elementary school. I read it again recently and have found it provokes a lot deeper feeling than it did the first time. The part where Helen Burns died made me cry, as did her entire character. She was so completely selfless and had so much faith in what she believed. She was another character that had completely innate goodness. Characters like her always go to my heart because they percieve things clearer than most people do, whatever their views and I can only hope to be as wise as they are. | | |
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